Lost in a daydream.

I wish I actually meant the things I say. It is so hard to fight off those thoughts.

I really don't want to think about it anymore but I just can't, especially after night falls. I've been through this once - it took me 10 months to finally be okay - when nothing much actually happened between us.

This time I'm six months in. I wonder how many more months I'll spend feeling like this until I finally finally truly truly don't give a shit anymore.

I don't want to be like this. But I can't control myself.

I tried to think about it, but I don't even know if I love you. Hopeless me.